Even After, No Line On The Horizon
by LizLo
Summary: Lisa and Greg had started a relationship after something that House did for Cuddy... They're happy. But one day, a tragedy occurs. A tragedy which no one could handle. A tragedy which would tear anyone apart. / Drama/Angst/Hurt / Chapter 7 is now UP
1. No Line On The Horizon

**Disclaimers:** **Don't own anything of House M.D…** Too bad I don't even own Lisa E and Hugh Laurie…

**A/N:** _Please, be gentle. I apologize for grammar mistakes cause English is not my first language… _

_Enjoy !_

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**No Line On The Horizon**

Lisa Cuddy was an accomplished woman. Mother of a beautiful girl, who had recently celebrated her 7th birthday, named Rachel, could successfully manage her private and professional life. Her job took her a lot of time but she dedicated a tremendous amount of it to the education and the happiness of her child, too.

This child, she had wanted her since her own childhood. When she was just a carefree, little girl, she already imagined a perfect life, in a beautiful suburban home, with children, and a husband. She had everything, except this last point which was the most complicated one in her life.

The father of her child was Gregory House. This misanthropic and antisocial doctor she had met in med school. She would have never believed that she would have that kind of relationship with him. But when it came to choosing her baby daddy, he was the first man she thought of, though.

After many IVFs which had all miserably failed, she told herself she would stop. But curiously, Gregory had said things that had brought her hope again. No, he hadn't been nice. No, he hadn't said anything positive. But he had been so true, so honest, that had only consolidated Lisa's desires to be a mother.

So when she needed help, she turned to him. It was so such more than just "help". She out-right asked him for a donation. For two weeks, he had avoided her, hadn't spoken to her, had complied to his clinic duties, had done absolutely everything he could not to be confronted by or to her. Indeed, she didn't beat about the bush. One Monday morning, she had asked a nurse at the reception to send House directly into her office as soon as he would come in.

She had been straight forward and fast. He had been bothered and had left as fast as he could. She knew this would have repercussions on their so-called relationship which was already so ambiguous. By then, it would be totally incomprehensible, unmanageable and confused. Nothing would be the same, whether he accepted it or not. And for her biggest surprise, he hadn't said no. He had, of course, compelled demands: he wouldn't have any responsibilities with the child, he wouldn't take care of it, he wouldn't serve as a babysitter and wouldn't assume any responsibilities which a dad has to assume.

Lisa didn't ask for more. She only wanted to be a mother, and not of a stranger's baby. But in spite of all those conditions which had been enunciated, this entire story had brought them closer. During the pregnancy, she had asked him a few favors like ice cream in the middle of the night. And as unpredictable and unusual this might have sounded, he had accepted, not without complaining, of course, but he had done it. And, during labor, he had held her hand. For every birthday, he had been there, for the first day at school, the first show. He persisted in saying that he didn't want to be a part of Rachel's life but subconsciously -or not- he had been so much more present than some other parents around the world. He had gotten himself attached to this little girl, his little girl. It took him a lot of time to admit it to himself, but he had. Rachel even had the right to call him daddy when they were on their own. He had needed to come up with a big game to convince her to accept to call him Greg in the presence of other people...

But when one day, without doing it on purpose, she had called him daddy, without noticing it, and he had responded as if it was normal... in front of Lisa, they had been discovered. And that had made Lisa feel like the happiest person in that moment...

Greg and Lisa had kissed each other one time, "by total accident". On several occasions, then. Next, they had made love... on several occasions too. But this wasn't like a couple, they had never been one.

He left early this morning. They had spent the night together, but he had planned on joining Wilson for the day. He always divided up his weekends like that: Saturdays with his best friend and Sundays with the two women of his life. Yeah, he had finally admitted that, too. So he left around 8am.

Lisa woke up an hour after that and Rachel was still asleep. The mother went to the kitchen and noticed that they were out of bread. She took her purse and hurried up to the baker's store, two streets down. She should be back before the girl wake up. She opened the door, left the keys on the table in the hall and decided to close the door with the spare key, to be safe.

9:43 am, Lisa went out of the baker's store, a French stick in her hand. Walking across the street, she heard agitation, and saw a mob. She met someone who told her that there was an accident with a motor truck. So the doctor in Lisa Cuddy decided to go see what was happening. There were so many people. She heard some of them talking about a motor truck running over a child, and then the driver had fled the scene. She hardly made her way through the crowd and were faced with the horrible scenery in which the accident took place.

9:47 am, everything stopped. The world clearly stopped, no more voices, not even a single word, no murmur, just a grisly silence. Nobody, no sensation, no wind, no feeling. Nothing. Lisa Cuddy had been totally cut off from the rest of the world...

She unhanded the bread and ran. When she saw the brown hair, the blue eyes wide-opened, she collapsed. The abdomen had completely exploded. The asphalt was covered in blood. A smell of lavender mixed with the smell of the smoke wandered in the air. Lisa passed her arms underneath the body and lifted it up closing the clothes of the child on its stomach, trying to maintain the organs together.

She rose the head of this little human being and met with its eyes. She saw a terrified look and her eyes lightened. Then, when the child slowly closed its eyelids, she wasn't able to hold back that helpless cry anymore.

A tearing, piercing cry. A cry of pain. A revolting pain, inconceivable, unimaginable cry. A cry which lingered, for what seemed like forever. The complete agony accompanied by an infinite despair... Lisa Cuddy screamed to death. She screamed to the skies, she screamed all her pain and sorrow. She didn't believe it, she didn't want to believe it, she couldn't believe it.

9:52 am, the truth caught up with time. Lisa squeezed a bit stronger this dead-still body against her heart. And it was the heart of her heart, the blood of her blood, the flesh of her flesh, the organs of her organs, the soul of her soul, the life of her life, that she was caring, in her arms, unable to do anything else but scream. And she bent over, then started rocking back and forth, cradling the child. The doctor in her knew that everything was lost, everything was over. But the mother who was crying until her voice was failing still had some hope.

"Come back... I love you my angel, my baby... Open your eyes... Talk to me... Talk to me, please… I'm begging you... Talk to me… Come back, please… I love you more than anything, I love you, I love you, I love you..."

And the cries started again, stronger than before. Maybe she was hoping that the sky would hear her, that the sky would bring back her child...

She heard some man telling her to let go of the little body, but she squeezed harder, stronger. They tried to bring her back to reason, but she was still screaming. There wasn't any reason... There wasn't any explanation... And she remembered the key she left on the chest... A mistake…

She felt many hands on her body and was slowly raised before being laid down on the stretcher. She saw the doors being closed and felt she was now moving.

Yes it was her, Rachel. This little seven year-old girl... This little girl, so unique... so irreplaceable. Her, Rachel, this one that her mother left in her sleep... This one who should never have left... _Died_.

Lisa didn't know it was her daughter who was there, she thought it was a stranger. Nobody was helping her, she knew she had to go and save her. She didn't care about anything else. She had only one thing in mind: rescue someone... Why? Why? Why did it had to be her? Why? Why? Why?...

Lisa wanted to help her daughter, to reassure her, to give her love, to make her feel that love, to carry her, to help her go, to go with her until her last breath, to help her soul go in peace, so she wouldn't feel lonely... She gave her the biggest help everybody wants sooner or later. She prevented her from feeling alone during the final moment of her so short life...

Rachel had woken up and her mother hadn't been there to kiss her. She had decided she would go find her. She couldn't deal with the distance between the two of them. And without knowing it, she had created the biggest distance that no one could ever imagine...

10:23 am, here they were. She was still screaming, so the nurses decided to place Lisa and her daughter in an isolated room. The ambulance-man had recognized the dean of medicine so he had called the hospital to keep them updated and to inform them of the situation. A nurse had called Lisa's emergency contact... who turned out to be House. When she told him the terrible news, he rushed over to the hospital.

He arrived not too much after the ambulance which was definitively carrying the two women of his life. He abruptly entered the room. The door closed after him and he stopped suddenly when he saw the condition of his daughter's body. He saw Lisa's profile, her clothes covered with blood, she had dropped off Rachel on the floor and was rocking back and forth, hands intertwined together. She was praying... She was praying so hard, so loudly. She was crying. Her entire body was shaking. But there were no tear. She didn't have any tears. The shock was so big, too big, that no tear had been able to run.

He stayed there, frozen, without knowing what to do. It was hopeless, it was over. They had told him that Lisa was enraged and refused that anybody touched her. He couldn't speak. His lips were unable to move. His cane had fallen on the floor the moment he saw the abdomen completely opened. Of all the horrible things he had seen in his career, this was, by far, the worst. His blood, his flesh, his organs, his soul, his heart. That was him who was there, on the floor... Or he had wanted this, so he wouldn't be feeling that much pain...

He managed to put a foot after another until he reached Lisa, standing just behind her. She certainly hadn't noticed his presence. First, he knelt down behind her, then he touched her shoulder slightly but with one short movement, she pulled his hand away. He tried one more time. And two and three... Each attempt was in vain. Lisa didn't let anybody approach her.

He couldn't leave her this way, he couldn't handle seeing her like that, so desperate... He had to do something. He took her in his arms. She struggled at first, tried to break away, but he tightened his embrace. He hold her, strong, but not too much. He exhaled warmly on the hollow her neck.

Slowly, she started regaining some calm. Her cries were losing in intensity to end in one, single, deep sigh. She stopped gradually from moving to finally stand still...

They didn't move for a moment. She was in his arms and they were still rocking, together. Then, she felt a drop falling on her neck... It was warm, it was a tear. The man she loved, the father of her child, was crying... And the contact between this salty water and her flesh actuated her tears. Lisa collapsed, sobbing.

10:57 am. A child who doesn't have its parents anymore is an orphan. But a mother who doesn't have her daughter anymore, how do we call her?...

Lisa Cuddy was **nothing**.

**...**

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_Thanks for reading! This story has in fact happened in real life… And I'm really sorry that it is so sad but I had to write it.  
_

_Please, review even if you didn't like it. I just want to have some opinions._


	2. Wake Up Where The Clouds Are Far Behind

**Disclaimers:** **Don't own anything nor House M.D…** Too bad I don't even own Lisa E and Hugh Laurie xD…

**A/N:** Well_, after many reviews, I decided to continue this story… Hope you'll enjoy it._

anonymous : _Thank you for your review! I don't know the book you mentioned. I mean, I've seen the movie but never read the book...  
_

_Please, __one more time, I translated it without a beta, so be gentle. I apologize for grammar mistakes cause English is not my first language…_

_Enjoy !_

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**Wake Up Where the Clouds Are Far Behind**

They always say it happens this way: anger, fear, guilt, depression, acceptance... And then comes the beginning of sorrow.

But for her, for them, it didn't go that way...

She stood up and went to take a blanket. The weather was warm but she needed this blanket. It had been two months now... And the cold was still in her, it wouldn't leave her. It felt like her blood did not run anymore and her mind had stopped on the frame of a cold desert burning her soul.

She came back to the room and sat down on the floor against the closet. She closed her eyes, counted to ten, then she heard the front-door opening then closing. She counted again but this time to twenty and felt something nuzzling against her thighs.

It had become a habit. She would spend her days sitting against this closet while he was at work. When he would come back, he would join her. He would lay down, his head on her thighs, would turn to her belly and would stay there, close to her. Sometimes, he would feel a warm tear falling on his forehead but most of the time he would only hear her sobbing.

It had been two months now...

**FLASHBACK**

_"We cannot bury her today." she said, with a husky voice._

_"But we have to..." he came close to her. "It has been a week already..."_

_"No__!" she screamed pushing him back. "She... No." she sobbed. "I can't... She will be alone. I don't want her to be alone. I don't want to leave her alone. I don't want to. She doesn't like staying alone. She hates being alone. I shouldn't have let her alone. I... I... That's why she came after me." she took a deep breath. "You understand? Because I left her alone!"_

**FLASHBACK END**

"I missed you today." her voice was weak.

He breathed in and raised his eyes at her, searching for her gaze. "Only today? You didn't miss me the other times?" he said, pretending to be offended.

She cracked a slight smile, which warmed his heart and he kept on talking before she could answer. "In the morning, I don't want to leave you alone. I think I'll take some days off again."

She stroked his hair, reached down and kissed it. "No... I know it helps you, to work..." she laid one more kiss but this time on his rough cheek. "It's just that..." she couldn't finish her sentence that the tears came to her eyes.

He sat up and took her in his arms. "I'm here now..." he tightened his embrace. "Me too, I missed you..." he wiped off her tears and lift up her chin with his thumb and index finger. "You know, it's really charming the way the red brings out your eyes..." she smiled." But did you let them rest today?" she shook her head.

He knew she hadn't had enough sleep at night but he hoped that she would rest during the day... Neither of them could close their eyes more than three hours per night. And they knew perfectly well that they wouldn't be able to hold on this pace. Around 2:00 am, she would start moving in the bed and it would always wake him up. It wasn't like he was into a deep sleep anyway... He would just wait for her to calm down so he could circle her with his arms and bring her closer, against him. She would nuzzle against his torso and it would never take long before she would start crying. Before _they_ would start crying...

He broke their embrace when he remembered something and sorely stood up. She looked at him and saw him stretching his hand up to her.

"Come on." he urged her to take his hand. "Stand up, we have something to do". She hesitated but seeing he wasn't about to let it go, she grabbed his hand and stood up.

"What are we gonna do?" she asked without much interest.

"Come on." he held her tightly by the hand and took her to the garden. She had no idea of what he was up to until he stopped at a specific spot.

He slowly let go of her hand and took the flowerpot which was in front of them. He brought the shrub inside, under Lisa's intrigued gaze. "Put it in the car while I go and grab your coat." he said giving her the keys which were in his pocket. She did not ask why and did as told.

She sat in the passenger seat and waited for him. The sky was getting dark and a cold breeze was floating around. She was brought out of her thoughts when the driver's door was abruptly closed.

"Take it. It looks like the sun is not coming back today..." he turned on the car. There was a big silence. A silence she didn't like.

"Why did you take it?" she asked.

"I thought maybe it'd be better over there..." he briefly turned to face her then he redirected his attention to the road. "She was the only one to water it and..." she cut him off.

"Even if I had already told her it wouldn't go past twelve inches, she kept on hoping it would thrive..." she concluded.

The rest of the ride was quiet. When they reached their destination, she saw him rubbing his leg.

"You're hurting?" it was an useless question, she knew it.

"Always..." he said in a short breath. "Take it. I'll join you in a few minutes." he took the orange box out of his pocket and popped two pills.

"You want me to message you?" she proposed, looking at him.

"It's okay, don't worry." with that, she left taking the ômono from the back seat.

He watched her moving into the cemetery. His pain was endurable but he wanted to give her some time. He had already come back here several times, at this place but he knew she had never set foot there since the funeral.

**FLASHBACK**

_"Daddy?" Rachel called._

_"Yes, microbe, I'm coming!" he answered, making his way into the living-room._

_"Heeeyy! I told you not to call me like that." the little girl protested making a sulky face which looked terribly like her mother's, House thought._

_But when she saw that he was holding a box, a smile settled on her face._

"_What is it? Huh? What is it daddy?" Rachel asked, excitement in her voice._

_"Open it, you'll see." House said, giving her the package._

_She quickly ripped the paper apart, and opened the box to find... "A miniature tree?" ._

_"A bonsai. An ônomo, to be precise." he was happy when he saw his daughter's eyes glittering._

_"And what am I suppose to do with it, daddy?" she wasn't used to that sort of gift._

_"In Japan, they say it brings its owner prosperity. So you have to water it and take care of it every single day so you'll have a prosperous life." he responded._

_"Oh." she looked amazed. "And what "a plesporous life" means?"_

_He chuckled. "Prosperous. It means you gonna have a long life full of good things."_

**FLASHBACK END**

His chest started hurting... He remembered perfectly...

When he came close to Lisa, she was standing there, in front of the marble. Her clothes were full of dirt, as well as her hands and her nails. He looked in the same direction as his lover and saw that she had replanted the shrub next to the marble.

"Lisa you..." she did not let him finish.

"I did the laundry this morning." her voice was quiet. "And there was her pajama. You know the... last one. The one which still had her smell on it but not anymore." there wasn't any intonation to her words. "I washed it, ironed it and put it in her closet. Then I saw a t-shirt, it wasn't hidden very well, between her clothes." she looked down at her hands. "She had probably hidden it because I yelled at her the other time." her hands started shaking, then her arms. "She loves playing with mud."

Now it was her whole body which was shaking and she collapsed on her knees. She looked up to the sky. "And now?" she screamed.

At this moment, a torrential rain fell from the sky, soaking them completely.

They often say that we feel anger, fear or guilt. That we break into depression then we end up accepting even if the pain remains. But for them, it was not like that. For them, it was like Hiroshima, ten times worse, which detonated every single day inside themselves...

She screamed. "Tell me it's a nightmare!" And louder. "_Tell me!_".

_Wake up where the clouds are far behind..._

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_Thank you for reading__!_

_Please, review. __I just want to have some opinions._


	3. I heard you calling me

**Disclaimers:** **Don't own anything of House M.D…** Too bad I don't even own Lisa E and Hugh Laurie xD…

**A/N**: _Wow! It has been such a long time! Thanks for the reviews._

_Thanks g . fox90, who beta-ed this chapter for me, it was sweet of you :).  
_

_I don't even know if someone will read this but anyway, I'm sorry I didn't update earlier... This is chapter 3 but only the first part. I divided this chap in two: Cuddy's side and House's side. Here we go with Cuddy's..._

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**I Heard You Calling Me**

It had been almost six months. Lisa had returned to work and had regained slowly but surely some habits from daily life.

Yet, she always came back home earlier, no longer having the strength to finish her days at the hospital.

That afternoon, she left really early and had decided to take a walk on the streets, downtown. Winter was slowly but surely going away, giving place to springtime, finding bit by bit each one of its leaves, redressing each one of its trees. Lisa saw them when she reached the park.

2:43 pm. It was raining. It was raining yellowish mimosas and pinkish camellias. It was a dance. They were gyrating and flying, the grass was their scene and the wind their partner. The winter flowers were collected by dozens, reminding her of memories, remorse, regret as well as rancor and repentance, too.

4:53 pm. The door was slammed; she took off her shoes and moved slowly to the bedroom. She didn't take the time to take off her coat. She was always cold… With a shaking hand, she took the teddy bear, tightened it against her chest and lay down on the bed.

Lisa remained there for a while staring right in front of her, without letting go of the teddy bear. She took a deep breath…

"I heard you calling me," she swayed weakly, "this afternoon in the park. I heard you calling me. I heard your voice. I…" her voice was trembling. "I turned around… I turned around in the park…"

She stopped. Her strength slowly leaving her. It was a fight she had been handling for six months. Each smash, each concussion, each contusion she was overcoming, she always got off the ground. There was nothing else to do…

"I was sure it was you." A light smile came on her face, fighting against the burning tears. "You know, I'd recognize your voice anywhere, it stands out in a crowd…" she lay on her back. "And I bought ice cream. Cherry flavored ice cream. Your favorite."

Who said it would affect her that much? She didn't understand what she was doing. Nothing made sense anymore. Each movement was nothing other than a reflex. Nothing was coherent anymore. Everything was mechanic. She woke up in the morning because she had to. She went to bed in the evening because there was nothing else she could do.

Nothing had interest anymore. The world was flat; life just carried her to a tormented, deep and bitter place. Her heart beat artificially and her mind worked in the same way. She didn't have anything anymore. She felt like someone who had had their soul taken away.

"I heard you calling me. I heard you calling me so I turned around. But where were you?" she turned to the left, tightening her embrace on the teddy bear. "It was just a breath, just a look. You were in my arms…" she felt like she was choking. "And all you did was look at me for the last time with those azure eyes." She was taken by frenetic shivers. "And I fell deep into this ocean… But you closed your eyelids… And… in that moment, I would just have liked to keep swimming freely, in your ocean…" she stopped. Her hold on the teddy bear lost its strength. "But when you closed your eyelids, there wasn't any water anymore. My… life. My entire life came and taunted me. My oxygen had been cut out, and suddenly, I heard you screaming. Your screams… I heard you calling me. I heard you calling me to answer back to you and… and now you have closed your eyes. You're lost in your sleep…" her cries were increasing. "I heard you calling me and I looked for you. I heard you calling me and you hid. You hid so well that… I couldn't find you and I looked for you. Everywhere. Everywhere… I looked for you… I wanted to find you. I wanted it so bad… I heard you calling me and… I heard you calling me. I'd just like to see you again. But I just heard you calling me. But you hid. I'd just like to see you again. To see you one more time to… to… say goodbye… And how could I see you one more time? Just one last time… I heard you calling me! I heard you calling me! I heard you calling me and there's nothing… There's nothing! I heard you calling me and there's no way I could answer back to you. I heard you calling me and… and… there's nothing… There's nothing I could do… Nothing… I heard you calling me and there's nothing I could do to answer back to you!"

_I hear you calling me and there's nothing I can do…_

_TBC..._

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**N/A:** _Sorry again! I'll try to update sooner, second part of this chap and an other one already written. I'll just have to translate them._

_If you liked it, let me know through a review... :)_


	4. I Sit And Watch The Children Play

**Disclaimers:** **Don't own anything of House M.D…** Too bad I don't even own Lisa E and Hugh Laurie xD…

**A/N**: _Thanks for the reviews and who added my story to their favorites!_

_Didn't get a beta this time so I apo__logize for grammar mistakes..._

_This is __the second part of chapter 3. You got Cuddy's side last time. So here we go with House's..._

_Enjoy…_

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**I Sit and Watch ****the Children Play**

He was walking. He was walking without knowing where he was going. He never thought that one day he would feel such a terrible pain. It wasn't just a feeling; it was an infernal machine which crushed his heart, his mind. A machine which crushed his soul…

Without realizing it, he found himself sitting on a bench. He didn't know why. He had to come back home, someone was waiting for him… But his little girl, she wasn't waiting for him anymore. She wouldn't be waiting for him never again. Out of habit, he would always buy a lollipop before going home; even if he knew she wouldn't be there to eat it.

He let his cane rest beside him and began massaging his thigh. The pain was worse than before. And it was like if there was nothing to make it better. But deep down inside him, he didn't want it to get better… He hoped it would get worse, that it would go to such extent that it would end up covering the biggest pain he ever felt…

He looked up to the sky and looked at the clouds. He heard sweet children's laughs, delight screams. It was the end of the day, the sun wasn't at its zenith anymore. It started fading away, slowly, to be replaced by the darkness of the night. This darkness which was taking over the streets and parks of New Jersey. This darkness which didn't leave him anymore.

"Sir?" a child inquired, getting closer to him. "Sir? Are you sleeping?"

_You really thing I'd respond if I was sleeping_? He wanted to answer. But he didn't. He didn't because… She used to ask him that, too, sometimes…

"No, I'm not, Microbe. What do you want?" he asked trying not to be too rough. "Nobody ever taught you not to speak to strangers?" he couldn't help it.

He didn't bother opening his eyes, nor lowering his head or observing the kid. But he felt his eyes on him for a while. Then he heard him moving. He turned his head and opened his eyes: the little boy was now beside him, sitting on the bench, his soccer ball on his lap.

"What's your name?" the little boy asked, innocently.

"House." He answered, without dropping his look off of the kid.

The latter arched an eyebrow and thought for a while. "Like a house?" he ended up asking. He just received a shake of head as an answer. "And you don't ask what my name is, House?" he urged.

House exhaled hard and gave up, "what's your name?".

"Jimmy" he responded proudly, rising up his chin. House laughed softly… _Jimmy_…

"You're Rachel's dad." He announced.

House felt a twinge of sadness, his chest was hurting, as if a dagger was twirling inside him. Since… since the accident, he never heard her name being pronounced by anyone… He dropped his look off of Jimmy, looking right in front of him, his eyes completely confused, his soul emptied.

"I used to see you bringing her to the park." The kid carried on. "But it has been a while since she last came. And I saw you, alone; I came to ask if she was coming back some time."

House took a deep breath. "No, she won't come back Jimmy." His voice was serious, words had a rough time coming out, each syllable ripping off a part of his heart.

"Oh but why? I like Rachel, she is nice." Jimmy said, lowering his head sadly.

"She can't come back." House answered, after a while also lowering his head.

"Oh? Why can't she come back anymore? She has been punished?"

"No… It's just that… She isn't with us anymore."

"She's gone?"

"Yes, she is…" his throat took shape.

"But where? House?"

"In a place where we go when… when…" he breathed hard and kept going " a place where we go when our life is gone, you know…"

"Ah…" the little boy made his soccer ball turn on his lap. "She's in heaven, huh?"

House was confused, he turned to look at Jimmy. "Some people say that, yes. But how do you know that?"

Jimmy stopped playing with his soccer ball. "My daddy is in heaven too." His voice was fragile. "He's gone last year. First I thought he didn't want me anymore. So I was sad and Mummy was too. So I asked why he didn't come back, Daddy. And she cried, telling me that now he is with the angels in heaven." He looked at the sky which he pointed at. "He's out there and he's taking care of me."

House didn't know what to say, he saw tears forming in the corners of Jimmy's eyes. But he didn't know how to comfort people, it wasn't his thing. Even if he had been softened by Lisa and… their daughter, he always had some trouble with his patients, with strangers… So he took a deep breath and answered.

"Well see, my daughter is at the same place as your dad." His eyes were now red.

Jimmy rested his hand on House's forearm and then he talked. "You must be sad then…" he gently rubbed House's forearm. The latter nodded, almost imperceptibly. "Rachel loved playing with my soccer ball." He took it off of his lap and gave it to House. "Take it."

House looked at him, confused, and didn't dare taking the object. "It's your soccer ball, keep it boy. I can't play." He said pointing at his thigh.

"It doesn't matter. Rachel would be happy if you take it." He rested the soccer ball on House's lap. "Mummy gave me a kidama which Daddy liked, a lot. She said that even if I had it or not, Daddy will always be with me but I like having it because Daddy liked it."

House smiled. "A kendama, you mean." Jimmy nodded intensely while smiling softly. "Thank you, boy…" he finally said taking the soccer ball in his hands. "I'm sorry for your dad."

Jimmy nodded again, but with less enthusiasm this time. They staid quiet until the little boy's mother called after him. He stood up and got ready to run but he suddenly stopped and turned around to look at House.

"If you want, I can ask my Daddy to take care of Rachel." He smiled. "He'll recognize her. She must be the prettiest angel there!" he waved his hand to say goodbye and took off, running.

House tightened his hold on the soccer ball. A light smile was drawn on his face then he took his head in his hands, leaning on the soccer ball. His shoulders were rising and fallin frenetically; while he let some broken breaths escape his mouth…

_I sit and watch as tears go by…_

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**N/A:** _So, hope you liked it! Angst will still remain in next chapter. Guess it will never go away. But I promise there is some great Huddy coming. Stay tuned!_

_Please review! Lots of people read and don't leave a review... I can't know if you like it or not, so please, review :)_

Xoxo


	5. Something In Your Eyes

Oh God, it's been like, forever, since I last updated that story! I'm so sorry... And I already had this chapter... I don't know if anybody is going to read that but anyway, here you go...

**Disclaimers:** **Don't own anything of House M.D…** Too bad I don't even own Lisa E and Hugh Laurie…

**A/N:** _Still no beta, so forgive me for the grammar mistakes, etc, etc._

_Enjoy, nonetheless._

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**Something In Your Eyes...**

**FLASHBACK**

_The door opened suddenly and fast, noisy steps pounded out in the corridor until they stopped in the living room._

_ "Mommy! Mommyyyy!" Rachel screamed. She took a quick look around and didn't see anybody._

_ House had gone to pick her up from school that day. Lisa had called to say she wouldn't be able to. He wanted to know why so she told him, he didn't know how to answer. He couldn't think of anything. So he took Rachel to Cuddy's place and while she looked for her mom, he sat down on the couch in the living room, still wondering what to do…_

_ The steps started pounding again all the way to the kitchen. "Mooommy! It's me!" the little girl kept saying._

_ Still no answer in the kitchen. She went back to the corridor, and made her way to the bedroom only to be faced with a closed door. She frowned. That was unusual. The door of her mom's (and dad, occasionally) room used to stay open all day long. There were just the nights where House was there that it was closed. And she knew that was because they had "grownup stuffs" to do that she couldn't know about (nor see)._

_ She decided to knock on the door, to be safe. Her mother had told her to never enter without knocking. Rachel had answered that her father did that all the time and House had stepped in to say that she couldn't do everything he did. Cuddy could only agree on that._

_ So she lifte__d her hand that she put into a fist. She knocked lightly, "mommy?", her voice was calm and soft but quickly, she remembered why she was so impatient and her enthusiasm came back, "can I come in? I have something to show you!"._

_ She barely heard her mother allowing her to come in. Rachel did so. First, she was surprised to see her mom lying down, huddled up in a ball, holding the sheets tightly against her chest and starring at the window. She was giving her her back._

_ Rachel came back to earth and jumped on the bed behind her mother. "Mom! I wooooon!". First, Lisa didn't react so the little girl just carried on. "It was a contest and we had to draw the most beautiful portrait of our family! And the teacher chose mine! She said it was pretty and it was the most better of all!". She dropped her little hand on her mother's shoulder and shook her softly. "Look! Mommy, look!" she said, waving her drawing._

_ Lisa took a deep breath and turned around to look at her daughter. She immediately met with her eyes and couldn't look away. There was something in her eyes that always made her lose composure. That little spark in those beautiful eyes always won her over and it was like the world was living in those eyes. That something in her daughter's eyes brought in her an unique desire, to lose herself in an embrace she had been waiting for, for so long._

_ She let go off the sheets and lift them up, inviting Rachel to lie down in her arms. The little girl had noticed her mommy's red eyes but didn't say a word. She just ensconced herself in her mom's arms, probably the place she felt the most at ease in the whole world,__ except for when she was in both of her parents' arms… She dropped her head on Lisa's arm who held her tightly, her chest pressed against the little girl's back._

_ Rachel raised her drawing trying to catch Cuddy's attention on her master-piece, "look, mommy"._

_ Lisa raised her head and smiled. There was a house with a big garden and a dog, well, what she presumed was a dog, standing on the left. In front of the door, a tall man with a cane was holding a little girl's hand. A brown-haired woman was holding her other hand. Above every character's head you could read: daddy, mommy and Rachel. "Daddy" and "Mommy" were both in a heart which were linked by something which looked like a rainbow. There was a big yellow sun and… a hospital, on the right. She knew it because there was a big red cross on it and Rachel wrote HOSPITAL in big letters. There were lots of colors. She looked closer and saw a big smile on Rachel's face. "Mommy" was smiling, too. But "daddy" seemed neutral. She laughed softly…_

_ "It's beautiful, honey." She dropped a kiss on top of Rachel's head taking the drawing and leaving it on the nightstand._

_ They stayed still for a while, holding each other. Those were the bounding times they loved and cherished so much. Lisa didn't have much time to spend in bed, doing nothing. And that day, she was home even before Rachel came back from school. House told her and she was surprised, happy. But something was wrong and she knew it._

_ "Mommy, why were you crying?" she asked after a while, breaking a long silence. "I don't like it when you're sad…"_

_ Lisa smelled her hair and ran a hand in it. How was she supposed to explain those kind of things to a little girl?_

_ "You know, mommy told you that babies have to grow inside mommy's belly before going out and grow up on their own?" She felt Rachel nodding. "Well, mommy had one of those babies inside her and…" she couldn't finish._

_ "Just like me before I come out?" she asked. She heard her mother sniffing. So she dropped her little hand on her mother's arm and caressed it lightly and softly._

_ "Yes. Mommy told you that those babies had to stay nine months inside so they wouldn't have any problems", Rachel nodded again. "Well," she took a deep breath, "that baby which was inside mommy, just like you were before," she paused to take another deep breath, "that baby was there for only a month and…", it was so hard… She could feel Rachel's hand tightening around her arm. "That baby couldn't grow so… so it left…"_

_ Lisa had once told her that sometimes, people used to leave and never come back… "But mommy, I lived inside you so why not him?". She kissed Lisa's hand._

_ "You know, honey, before you, it happened. Twice." She caressed her cheek, then ran her hand through her hair._

_ "It means I am special then?" she asked, shyly._

_ "Of course you are special… You're my baby…" She tightened her grip on her kid. "If you knew how lonely my life has been and how long I've been so alone… I've always wanted a little girl or even a boy. I wanted a baby to come along and change my life… The way you've done."_

_ Rachel turned around to face her mother. "I love you mommy"._

_ There was something in her voice… Something which made her heart beat fast. Those worlds she said, and her voice… She just wanted this moment to last for the rest of their lives._

_ "If you knew how long I've waited for this moment… How long I've waited to feel you in my arms. And if you knew, honey, how happy you make me…" she kissed her forehead. "I never thought I'd love anyone so much…"_

_ Rachel was smiling. She was happy, genuinely happy. "Don't be sad mommy. I'll always be here, with you." And then, she kissed her on the cheek to then bury her head in the hollow of her neck._

**END OF FLASHBACK**

"Lisa?... Lisa?" she could feel a hand on her shoulder, shaking her lightly.

She turned around and lost herself in those blue eyes. She ran a hand on his rough cheek. There was something in his eyes… Something which made her lose herself… It was, without a doubt, those same eyes… They had those same eyes, that same spark and it was like the world was living in those eyes… That same spark that made _her_ world live in those eyes…

He took her in his arms, lying beside her. Those moments of intimacy they could share were always the most beautiful and intense ones. The only moments they felt good. The only moments they felt like they were still alive…

He ran a hand in her hair, bringing her head closer to his chest. She could feel his heart beating fast. Those were the moments which made her realize that they had reach a point of no–return. They knew nothing would ever be the same. But they didn't know it would be so hard… That it would never heal… There were some progress but there also was always something to make them go back to square one.

They were alone in a world they didn't want to know anymore. They wanted to run away, to leave for a world they didn't know but… But what was the point in running away if the road was only made of invisible steps in an unknown world?...

She raised her head but didn't look at him. Her eyes were so red; tears had left marks on her cheeks. She broke the silence, with a trembling and imploring voice.

"Do you thing… do you thing that someday I'll… I'll get the chance to be called mommy… again?" she couldn't hold it any longer and a flood of tears started running down her cheeks. She felt Greg's hand bringing her closer to his body. They stayed together, their faces so close to each other, their tears blending in with each other…

_I've never thought I'd love anyone so much…_

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_Thanks for reading! Reviews are always appreciated._

_Xx  
_


	6. A Steel Guitar and a Glass of Wine

**Disclaimers:** **Don't own anything of House M.D…** Too bad I don't even own Lisa E and Hugh Laurie… Also don't own Julia Fordham's _(Love Moves in) Mysterious Ways _ (Allow me to recommend Nina's cover though) nor Madonna's _Like a Prayer_.

**A/N:** Oh my God, this has been SO long! Almost two years and a half... I apologize so much for that. Most of you (if not all of you) won't even read this, but I'm going to post it anyway. I finished writing this fic and I just have to translate the two chapters that are left. I'll do it pretty quickly since it is kind of what I'm doing in college... But only if people still show interest for it. If not, well, I guess it will just stay that way.

_As always, please, be lenient. I apologize for grammar mistakes cause English is not my first language… And blablabla. It has not been beta-ed.  
_

_Anyway, this chapter is a lot lighter than the previous ones. Enjoy!_

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**A Steel Guitar and a Glass of Wine**

It was late, on a Saturday night. She was on her own in the living room, sitting on the floor, her back against the couch. And a bottle of wine resting on the coffee table in front of her. The air was cold but her body was sweating. Her body was burning. Not from desire, but from a malaise that had now become too common for her liking. Sure, the wine didn't help.

She heard footsteps coming from the hallway, in the distance. She drank her glass empty in one single sip. When a shadow started approaching her, she took the bottle and poured some more of the red liquor in her glass. She was drinking eagerly, as if she needed the liquid to run through her veins faster, to revive her blood. Yes, to revive her.

"Why don't you come to bed?" he huskily made himself heard.

When he first stepped foot in the house, she already was in that same position, with that same bottle. At least she wouldn't fall into an alcohol-induced coma, he thought, laughing bitterly at himself.

She didn't even look up at the sound of his voice. She just stared at some invisible spot in front of her, somewhere between the TV, a landscape painting somehow soothing and a cookbook. But suddenly, a hand came caressing her own. Her neck cracked slightly to the right as if the lack of thoughts in her brain had become heavy, out of nowhere.

"Why are you pouting?" he tried, on a lighter note.

How were they supposed to get through this? How were they supposed to calm their emotions? To feel that it was getting better? But was it going to get better some day? How was he supposed to help her get back on her feet? It was his job, right? Or he thought he had to, anyway. He wanted her to surrender, shamelessly, fearless, without sorrow, of any kind; he wanted her to open up to him like for the very first time. Without her mind floating around somewhere else. He wanted her to surrender without feeling any pain. Wholeheartedly. Giving him access to her heart, which seemed to have turned into some sort of impenetrable grounds. A No Man's Land with troops surrounding it, armed and ready to shoot at any given time.

He softly put some hair aside giving him access to her neck. Moistening his lips, he let out a heavy sigh before resting them slowly, warmly, against her skin. She was scarlet, and that's why he was expecting a burning contact, almost too hot. But instead, it was cold. Almost worryingly cold. So he rose his hand, caressing up from her arm to her cheek, shivering.

"It's burning, inside…" finally, she let a couple of words out. Her voice was shaking and full of worries. "I know I'm cold… physically, and in my behavior..." she took a break and closed her eyes. "But please, make me quiver, make me feel something, anything, make me feel alive", her body was shaken by spasms which stopped as soon as she started again, "you're all I need, now, I don't want to feel empty anymore…", she then turned her head and searched for his eyes, which were fixing the floor, "I don't have any tears left to cry, I'm not strong enough to stand up, I have nothing left. Nothing besides you, and you're all I need."

She hadn't asked to be thrown in that turmoil, she hadn't asked to be broken in a million, tiny pieces. But her skin became stronger after taking each punch, _her mind_ was stronger. All that was missing was to get off the ground. To get off the ground and _stand firm_.

He took her in his arms and blew some air against her skin. They rocked back and forth together. For the first time in a really long time, she didn't shed a tear; she just enjoyed his affection, affection she had easily taken a liking to, affection she came to love, to feel addicted to. When she lost her daughter, she understood that it wasn't healthy to love someone so much that that someone turned into your biggest reason to live. And she was now back at that same condition. But she was already plumbing the depths after all. That brand new addiction could only help her stand up...

He stood on his feet and out of habit, she tried to hold him back by the hand, the contact of their bodies suddenly broken displeasing her. She stared at him, almost pleadingly. A stare that meant so much more than any pointless words. He became aware of that despair and felt the need to clarify his actions.

"I'm just gonna grab something, I'll be right back," he lowered himself and when she saw the grimace on his face, she met him halfway so that he could drop a kiss on her lips.

She let go of his hand, unwillingly, and looked at him until he was out of sight. Since… the accident, his limp had gotten worse. As if the mental pain had spread to his entire body. As if it had taken over his entire body, his mind being already full, the pain having already submerged it from day one.

He came back, his guitar in his hand. He handed it over to her so he could sit back at her side. When he found an appropriate position, he took it back and let his fingers flirt with the chords.

"Do you remember how she would always insist on us sitting right here so I could play whilst she would sing?" he started playing when she nodded.

"We should do it again," she said. "I love it when you play…" She smiled slightly, "you seem so at ease, so peaceful."

He squinted and then shook his head, "how do you know that?"

"I know everything, don't ever forget that." She winked at him.

It had been such a while since he had last seen her like that, being playful. He then felt a soothing feeling travel his body.

"That's true,…" he acknowledged.

She closed her eyes, rested her head on his shoulder and hummed as he played.

"We could remain like that, always."

He smiled, "yes… well, I think I'd end up with some cramps… well, if it's at a certain place… I guess you could always help me with that. Give me a hand…" His eyebrows started dancing, playfully.

And she laughed. For the first in a very long time, she laughed. It was not an outrageously big laugh, but it was a great start. "Sure… It's just because I like to see you happy. Without feeling pain. Or at least no physically apparent pain…" she caressed his thigh then rested it on that scar they both knew so well. Unfortunately…

He kept on playing for a while and she kept on humming along. Then, he stopped abruptly. She frowned and waited.

Suddenly, he started playing again, another tune and started singing, trying to fake a female, high-pitched voice, "_I love yooouuu for the rest of my days_" she giggled, "_but still it's a mysteryyyy,_" she was convulsively laughing, "_how you ever came to meee,"_ she laughed out loud, "_which only proooves love movees in mysteriouus wayyyys_…"

He then stopped all together, resting the guitar on the couch and looked at her. She was now doubled up laughing, holding her belly with both arms. She rolled to the side and stretched on the ground, still laughing, even louder, her head tilted back.

He hovered over her body, resting on his good leg so as not to rest all his weight on her, grabbing her hands and resting them around his waist then caressing her face, moving some strands of hair aside.

He was laughing as well, not being able to help himself. Her lover's laugh was contagious. "You're making fun of my oh so sensual and masculine voice, huh?" Her laughed faded away, her eyes opened to look at him. But then she burst out laughing once more and went back to her frenzy.

He took her in. There were tears running down her cheeks but he knew those ones weren't from sadness, despair and pain. Those were tears that brought her relief, which helped her heal… Those were tears of joy. Joy. They could feel it again, that feeling that everyone longs for. That feeling they didn't know how to spell anymore…

He couldn't help but think that she looked gorgeous, radiant. And desire was building inside him. Desire driving his body to hers, his blood boiling in his veins. He tried to tone it down, as not to disturb her moment. But soon his lips were on hers. He tucked his hand between her back and the ground to bring her body to his. His other hand found its way to her chest. Chastely, tenderly, lovingly.

His knee made its way between her legs and up her thighs, and she shivered. She held him tight, caressing his back, inhaling his sent. She felt her heart beating against his, their bodies shivering from desire as if they were merging together. His lips parted away from hers to then drop burning kisses down her jaw, and around her neck.

He then lifted up his head from her skin and starting humming in her ear, "_when you call my name, it's like a little prayer,_" he whistled the next line but then went back to singing, "_I wanna take you there,_" back to whistling, "_I can feel your power,_" he nibbled at her earlobe, the lyrics turning into some kind of mumbling at that moment until he finished, "_you know I'll take you there_."

She let out a short laugh that was so sweet and precious to his ears. He knew he would easily go back to being used to that perfect sound. And those doubts, deeply buried in his mind would quickly make an appearance before fading away once more. But she could sense the doubt floating in his eyes.

"I wasn't making fun of you," her hand caressed his rough cheek, tickling her fingers, "I just found it very appropriate and amusing…"

She cracked a smile before dropping a brief kiss on his lips. Yet she could see his mind wandering away, and a sense of worry was quickly settling in her stomach.

"What's wrong?" she inquired.

He breathed in, deeply before letting out a nervous laugh. "Nothing… It's just… It's silly, really… Just, don't worry." He tried then to kiss her but she pushed him back lightly, giving him that persistent gaze of hers. He knew he had to talk. So he let the words out.

"I thought that… that you wouldn't want me anymore. After what happened… I thought we'd drift apart and we'd never find each other again…" he locked his eyes on hers, "I thought you were gonna leave me…"

She stared back at him for a few seconds, tilting her head to the side, her hand running freely from his cheek to his neck, from his neck to his chest to then go back and trace the lines of his eyebrows.

"If you hadn't been there, I… I would have left a long time ago. If it had not been for you standing on my side, I would never have managed to live through it. If it had not been for your being there, your patience, your love," she kissed his cheek, "maybe it took us a while to find each other," she kissed his mouth, "but life showed us that we could never be so sure of anything," another kiss, "but I can assure you that one thing will never change. Never ever," another one, "nothing could ever change how I feel about you." She ceased all movement to take him in. And suddenly, she hit his shoulder, "so stop thinking such crazy absurdities."

He rubbed the sour spot and faked hurt.

She smiled with a hint of melancholy. "You gave me the most amazing, and marvelous gift I could ever have asked for and even if life took it away from us, it could never take away those heavenly years of bliss," he gave her a shy smile, which was so unlike him and she continued. "I'm certain that you and I, together, we will make it."

She did not need to explain herself; he knew perfectly well what her statement entitled. It was not an instant and complete recovery, but it sure was a start. And before he could even plainly react or mutter a word, she locked her arms around his neck and sealed their lips together for a not so very chaste kiss. The emptiness of both of them suddenly merged together and slowly started filling itself. Two negatives finally giving a positive. The other half of the glass being finally filled… After all.

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_Thank you for reading__!_

_Please, review. __All opinions are appreciated. x  
_


	7. And It's Hard at the End of the Day

**A/N:** _Wow, thank you guys so much for reading! I was genuinely pleasantly surprised to receive that much feedback. So thanks **IHeartHouseCuddy, Abby, berenice, Alex, momsboys, HuddyGirl, lin12344, EvilEmi** and all the silent readers!_

_Here's the next chapter. Still no beta, still not my first language, and so on._

_Enjoy._

_Disclaimers in the previous chapters.  
_

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**And It's Hard at the End of the Day**

We tend to think that with time, everything will get better, that time can heal all wounds. But when the end of the day comes, nothing seems that obvious anymore. Each step you take forward can turn into two steps back. And someday or another, you just have to learn how to take leaps forward.

It was getting late and she wasn't back from the hospital yet. He knew she had an import meeting that she couldn't postpone so he just waited, as patiently as he could.

She had gotten back to work and seemed to be doing better. She was getting her color back and she didn't seem exhausted all the time anymore. She was getting back on healthy eating habits, she went back to laughing at his inappropriate jokes and she didn't seem to be walking around with a huge burden on her back anymore.

They had taken their time to reach that particular stage but it was a thorny, risky and terrifying road that they had been forced to take. Each time they had to overcome an obstacle he took the time to hold her hand, to pull her forward, never forcing it. Nothing was ever going to be simple or easy in their life anyway but he was ready to put up with anything. If only just for her.

When he heard the key in the lock, he stood up to open the door for her. To be welcomed home with open arms could only do her good.

She was wearing a navy-blue skirt suit and was only covering her neck with a sky-blue silk scarf that their daughter had gotten her for Mother's Day. It wasn't cold enough to be wearing a coat or jacket or even to keep one's throat warm yet so he was slightly surprised to see her like that. When leaving home this morning, she definitely didn't have the accessory with her. But he didn't need to ask her why. He knew.

Every memory was good to take, good to keep, to preserve and to be taken everywhere with them. Every single memory. Had it been short or seemingly meaningless. Everything was important. Everything was precious.

After a smile had made its way to his face, he took her in his arms and let his hands trail down her back. She shivered before burying her face in the hollow of his neck. He smelt like cigars but she couldn't care less. His short beard was tickling her nose, making her smile and in a very subtle movement, she humidified her lips before pressing them, as tenderly as possible, against his skin.

He had changed. Despite his very strong beliefs, he had changed indeed. She knew he would probably never admit it but she could testify. Of course, he remained as straightforward as always, biting, frank and obscure during work hours. His relation with the patients had remained the same, with his team, with his best friend. But as soon as he would get home, it seemed like he would take off his armor to let it rest beside the entry door. He was more tactile, more receptive, but also more giving. It was as though he knew he had to leave all of his suffering out of their house, otherwise it would overwhelm them. And there was no way he was going to let that happen. They couldn't relapse. That was completely out of the question.

But that didn't mean they didn't fight or annoy each other anymore. He would make snarky comments on her appearance, her outfits, and she would answer back with as much wit as she was used to. Except that now, they would always put an end to their arguments with the help of a kiss, a hug, or in bed. The latter being always their favorite choice.

They had both been afraid that they would lose each other after the tragedy they had had to go through. In the end, it only brought them closer. They had understood that together they could only be stronger, as cliché as it may have seemed.

"You wanna take a shower and go change before leaving?" he asked, his husky voice echoing against her ear and bringing her out of her reverie. His warm respiration was caressing her neck.

"No, it's getting late already. We should probably leave now."

He knew that was not the real reason but he decided on not commenting on it. He simply took her bag out of her hands, unwillingly removing one of his arms from around her waist, to drop it on the piece of furniture beside the door.

He saw her eyes following his movements and staring at the piece of wood. It was where she had left the keys on that day. Before she could venture to go on these sinuous roads, he lifted her chin with two fingers and dropped his lips on her mouth. It was not an earth-shattering, spirited and ardent kiss, but the emotion and the affection it released was enough to warm their hearts and minds.

"I'll go get Teddy. You can take the flower to the car and get it started," and with that he dropped a light kiss to her forehead before turning around and slowly making his way up the hall.

She saw a vase on the living room's table as well as a white string to keep the white poppies surrounded by gypsophilas of the same color together, forming a bouquet. Peace, innocence, purity.

A few minutes later, he joined her in the car and they took the road. That road they had took way too often during that last year, that road they would have wanted to never have to take.

The trip went by pretty fast and in a deep silence. His hand rested on her thigh while she drove. At each red light, she would glance at him, and couldn't help a light smile from dancing on her lips. House holding a teddy bear wasn't a sight you would see every day. But that was a sight she enjoyed, a sight she cherished. It was good to have that sight in mind, close to her, that was so special, while all the other images that would haunt her thoughts were responsible for so many nightmares.

But suddenly, another image came to her mind. He had probably not noticed it, but he was holding the teddy bear against his belly, his hand resting on its back. Just like she had so often found him when getting home after work, with their daughter, still a baby, in that exact same posture. He would often fall asleep in front of the TV, with her against him. The little body and the hand resting on its back would raise at each one of his inhalations to then go down at each exhalation.

And that was each one of those precious images that reassured her. She had no regrets.

Tightened her grip around the wheel, she pulled over in the totally empty parking lot of the cemetery. She was the first one out of the car to take the flowers and Teddy from House's hands. The latter opened his car door and spun his cane between his fingers before resting it on the floor to help him up.

_It was hard at the end of the day..._

When they started walking, she slipped her free hand in his and squeezed lightly, twice. He inhaled deeply before repeating her gesture. It was so much more than a step that they had to take.

Reaching the marble, he let his head drop back, staring at the sky, which was getting darker and darker. She put Teddy in a corner, then arranged the flowers in his little arms. She let go of her lover's hand, sat down quietly, taking good care not to let her skirt ride up her thighs, and pulled on his pants. When he immediately tilted his head down to look at her, she knew that she had not been the first one to seek for his attention that way. He looked surprise and she could detect a snatch of melancholy taking over his face.

"Come on," she said in a whisper, patting the spot at her side in the grass.

He had some difficulty in doing so, not being able to properly bend his leg but he managed to sit at her side. After dropping his cane on the ground, he passed his arm around her shoulders. A weak, cold breeze was shyly floating around.

She broke the silence after a few minutes with a discreet laugh, while resting her head on his shoulder and grasping her partner's shirt on his stomach.

"Remember the first time you tried to feed her ice cream?" she laughed again.

He sneered at her mentioning of the memory.

"She had ice cream all over her face and you, all over your clothes," her lips morphed into a gigantic smile before their laughs started echoing in the air.

And that's how they remained in each other's arms, remembering all those little moments, those little details that had marked their life with their little prints.

That's how they took their first leap forward.

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_Thanks for reading, and as always, all opinions are appreciated so... please, review? Xx_


	8. Say Goodnight, Not Goodbye

**A/N:** _Thanks **IHeartHouseCuddy, Abby, Alex, JLCH, HuddyGirl **and all the silent readers!_

_Here's the next chapter. Still no beta, still not my first language, and so on._

_Please read the second A/N at the end!_

_Enjoy._

**_Disclaimers in previous chapters._**

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**Say Goodnight, Not Goodbye**

_Never leave my heart behind…_

Nights seem so long, sometimes, when dreams last longer and take us to worlds that seemed unreachable. But the alarm clock always rings at 5am, the sun always rises, days keep on repeating themselves. And when the morning comes, the same movements are done. One foot in front of the other, the view becomes clearer and everything just starts over.

After getting out from under the covers, it was always cold. They didn't speak a word to each other, not feeling the need to. One after the other, they put on their costume for the day. Each movement was mechanical, always following the same rhythm. One did the coffee, the other went out to get the newspaper. Breakfast was subjected to a heavy silence, but that with time, had almost become comfortable, and somehow unquestionable.

The table was cleared, the flatware were washed and put away. Exchanging a look that could say more than anything that could have been expressed, they took each other's hand, walking down the hallway together. She was shaking, in an almost unnoticeable way, and with his thumb, he caressed her wrist, putting as much tenderness in it as he could.

They were finally getting at the last square of their process. The room was dark, only illuminated by a tiny, teddy bear shaped night-light that was plugged in at the right side of the bed and some rays of sunshine that were trying to make their way through each side of the curtains.

Lisa went up to the window, pulled each fabric aside, everything then becoming clear and visible before settling down on the little, topaz love seat that was resting against the wall. House unplugged the night-light and left it on the bedside table before joining his lover.

They stared blankly ahead, capturing their surroundings, memorizing every single detail, absorbing each color. Their breathing was calm, steady, barely audible, each smell soaking up in their minds. He delicately rested his hand on hers, which was resting on a cushion on which a little duckling was embroidered. And she couldn't help but smile.

A few minutes passed before an alarm rang on the other end of the house. It took both of them back to earth and forced them to get up.

"I think it's time," Lisa announced when they were making their way to the door.

"I'm not gonna be able to make it, you know," House answered, stopped walking and was resting with both of his hands on his cane.

Her shoulders fell down, followed by a long sigh.

"It wouldn't have made it easier anyway."

And on those last words, they left the house, knowing that at the end of the day, there would be another vacated space in it.

Lisa stayed at her desk all day, as usual, and then went down to the clinic at the end of the afternoon. She only had two hours left of work before taking the last turn that would finally help her reach the end of the road.

People came and went through the consultation rooms. Colds, headaches, stomachaches, some imaginary pains, some others real, a dislocated shoulder, a twisted ankle. She would take quick glances at the clock, the hour hand fatefully getting closer to the seven.

"Eva Green?" she called, reading the name on the file.

When she looked up, a little girl, around eight years old, had moved forward. Her eyes were shining, probably from all the tears shed. She was slightly nibbling on her lower lip, her right arm outstretched in front of her, elbow resting on her left hand. Cuddy didn't know if the resemblance was real or if it was her mind torturing her. The curled and ebony hair of the little girl rested delicately on her shoulders, and on one of them, a woman's hand, neighboring the forties, was lying. Her mother, probably.

"Goodnight Eva, ma'am. I'm doctor Lisa Cuddy."

"Goodnight," the woman politely answered, shaking the hand that the doctor was holding out to her.

"If you'd please follow me…" she moved toward one of the consultation rooms. "So, Eva, it's written here that you fe–"

She was cut short by a cellphone ringtone.

"I'm sorry," the other brunette apologized, looking at the caller's id. "Uhm, could you start without me? This is an important call and…" She stopped mid-sentence when she saw Cuddy shaking her head.

"It's okay. We'll be in room 3." And with that, she replaced the hand on the little girl's shoulder, leaving the other woman to her cellphone.

"You can sit here," she patted the examination table and then took place on the stool, which was facing it. "Tell me what happened."

"I was waiting to go home, at the park, with my friends and the nanny," she sniffled shyly, and grimaced when Lisa started examining her wrist. "And I was playing on the swing but…" another sniffle.

"Take your time and tell me when it hurts."

She acquiesced and went on with her story.

"But I went to high. The nanny always tells me to go slow. But I love playing on the swing! And my feet were going so high! They were covering the sun! So I– Ouch."

"Sorry." Lisa looked up and gazed at the young girl. "If I move your wrist that way, does it hurt?"

"Hmm-hmm." She shook her head.

"Okay." She turned around to take something in the wall cabinet. "So, your feet were almost covering the sun and then, what did you do?"

"Then I went higher and… and I fell from behind on my hand." Her eyes were turning read and filling up with tears, the memory of the accident reviving the pain.

"Hey," Lisa wiped her check that was now wet. "Don't worry, it's not broken." She smiled at her, tenderly.

Eva quietly acquiesced, and then noticed something in the pocket of Cuddy's blouse.

"What's that?" she timidly pointed to the object of her attention.

"Oh this," the doctor answered, taking the tiny plush toy from her pocket. "It's Toto." She let it rest on the still unharmed hand of the little girl.

"He's so soft," she caressed it against her cheek.

"Very soft." She bended her head to the side and a thin, and drowned in melancholy smile made its way to her lips. "My daughter won it at the fairground and then gave it to me. She said he would comfort me each time I would be at work."

After glancing a last time at Toto, Eva rested him on her thighs and unconsciously started stroking his belly.

"How old is she? She's at which school?" she ended up asking when Cuddy started bandaging her wrist.

"She would have been nine in December. She… She doesn't go to school anymore because, uhm, she, uhm…" Lisa took a break, froze her hands, cleared her throat, and then carried on. "She's gone."

"She's not coming back?"

"No…" And then in a whisper, "unfortunately."

"My mommy's gone too." The tiny voice resonated after a moment of silence.

"But she should be back soon. I'm sure her call's not gonna last much longer."

"Missis Corday isn't my mommy. My mommy left when I was little." She shrugged. "And they told me she's not coming back either."

"Oh. I, uhm, I'm so sorry to hear that."

No other word was said. The lines of sadness that had marked Lisa's face for so long were back. Thoughts were rushing through her mind, images coming back, snippets of memories torturing her. Her eyes started stinging, so she bit on the inside of her cheek to keep the tears from falling.

And as though she had felt it, Eva removed her hand from Toto's belly to rest it, with as much delicacy and softness as a kid could –probably so much more than any other human being could– on the doctor's hand that was putting a Band-Aid on her wrist.

The movement brought Lisa's eyes back to the little girl.

"Adults don't smile enough. But if they did, time would go by much faster though. Because days go by much faster when I'm laughing."

"Sometimes it's hard to find a reason to smile."

"I don't think so." She wiggled her nose. "When the sun is shinning, it makes me smile. And then when there's a lot of wind, so much that it messes up my hair and it comes to tickle my face. But also when Missis Corday makes me PB&J sandwiches for snack. Or when she lets me have ice cream! What makes you smile?"

"Rachel, my daughter." Lisa answered after a few seconds. "She would always make me smile." And without even noticing it, that was exactly what she was doing. "Maybe I should join her…" Her voice was barely a whisper but apparently loud enough for Eva to hear it.

"Sometimes I join my mommy." The doctor looked at her, with a puzzled look on her face. "Yeah," the little girl was quick to affirm. "At night, sometimes, she comes to visit me. I have a hard time remembering her face in the morning. But I know that during the night, when I'm dreaming, we laugh together, the two of us." She could have a bigger smile than the one that was embroidering her face. And it was contagious, carried by so much innocence and purity.

Before Cuddy could answer, the door opened after someone had knocked on it. Missis Corday got into the room, uncertain at first but when she saw Eva smiling, she walked up to her, looking relieved.

"So, you're all fixed?" she gave her a gentle smile.

Lisa stood up and helped Eva off of the table.

"It's not broken, it's just sprained," she said before writing down something on her prescription pad. "Her bandage needs to be changed after the shower, for a week. I wrote down a prescription for an ointment to apply before the bandage, and some paracetamol in case it hurts and not to disturb her sleep," she handed out the piece of paper. "Oh and I was almost forgetting," she looked down at Eva and winked at her. "Some ice cream is highly recommended for tonight."

Eva grinned and Missis Corday let out a small laugh whilst acquiescing.

"Thank you so much, doctor. Eva, did you thank the doctor?"

"Thank you!" the little brunette cried out.

"I'm the one who should be thanking you, Eva."

Missis Corday could hear the sincerity in her voice, and was staring at her with a curious but yet amused look on her face before making her way to the door.

Lisa was taking off her gloves when a child's voice reached her ears and Toto appeared in her field of vision.

"I almost forgot to give him back to you!"

"You can keep him," she told her. "His work with me is done. But you could use his help, if you get hurt again."

"Thank you!" Eva looked ecstatic. And then she turned to Missis Corday when they got going again. "His name is Toto and he comforted the doctor because her daughter, she's the one who…"

And her voice faded away in the halls of the hospital.

Lisa looked at the clock.

The time had come.

She was holding many boxes in her arms, already filling the first one with some stuffed animals and cushions. And then she stopped in front of the closet. Taking much care not to crease anything, she started with the t-shirts. Then the shorts, and finally the pants and dresses.

Each item of clothing was impregnated with a picture, a memory, anchored with laughs, with smiles. In another box went to be dropped off, the shoes. Each step forward, each road, each race, each indelible, tiny footprint.

The moaning times were over. She didn't blame herself anymore, wasn't looking for someone to blame anymore. What would be the point? There was no way she was going to torture and torment herself with "what ifs" and "maybes".

And at each box that would be filled, the room was getting empty. But Lisa wasn't leaving her heart behind. She wasn't packing it. The time had just come. _She_ would always be there, by her sides. Each laugh, each smile. Each cry, each heartache. In moments of joy, of pain, of torment and of peace.

_She_ would be everywhere. It was not a promise that had to be promised. It was not a promise that needed to be recognized. But simply to be kept.

_She_ was ingrained in her soul.

He heart would join _her_ when time would come. _She_ would be there. And every day she would keep on waking up, because every night they would have had the opportunity _to laugh together, the two of them_. Even if when it would be time to wake up, nothing would ever be like it would have seemed in dreams, she would have another night ahead of her. And another. And then another one. In the end, the night would come that she would find _her_ life again, in _her_ eyes, when her own life would break her free.

Lisa got out of the room and then closed the door behind her.

_She would say goodnight, and not goodbye._

_ Say goodnight, not goodbye._

**THE END**

* * *

_**A/N 2:** So here's the official end. Some of you asked me to give Cuddy and House a new kid but I couldn't do that. It didn't seem right in that fic, and it wasn't part of what I wanted to share with you guys. This is a story that I care very much about because I started it when I was trying to cope. And as I always suspected it, we never really finish coping. The coping process lasts forever. But I wanted to show that just because it doesn't end, it doesn't mean that we hurt as much as we used to, everyday. There are brighter days between the dark ones, and hopefully we reach a point where there are more brighter than dark ones. I also wanted to show that moving forward doesn't mean forgetting, that keeping on living doesn't mean betraying the ones who have 's a lot more that I could say to explain why I wrote this story but somehow I doubt that I could find the right words to fairly explain myself. I just hope that you enjoyed the road as much as I did, despite the tears and heartaches. Because in the end, the light shined again.  
_

_I am currently working on some kind of prequel/sequel to try to explain how they managed to have a kid together and how they ended up where they were before Rachel passed away. But also to show where I imagine "my" Cuddy and House would end up a few years after from now. I'm not sure yet if I'll post it or not, and if I do, whether or not I will post it here as a final chapter or as a new fic... We'll see._

_But in the mean time, I would like to hear from you guys, your impressions, your thoughts and opinions. As always, any kind of constructive criticism, or simple review is welcomed. Xx_


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